August 2 - Grief

Over the last few days, I had been sharing with one of the other participants stories about the addicts we have loved. My deep and easy sleeps of late have been traded for two episodes of insomnia in a row. Last night, once I finally slept, Linda came to me in a dream and sat so clearly and presently with me. I awoke veiled by a weight of grief and sadness. Her presence flashed through me all morning and I felt emotion well up, knowing it needed to spill.

We focusssed on massaging the belly in class and as I lay supine, vulnerable to Donna's learning but loving hands. I felt relaxed and safe enough that I let myself crumble and tears poured through. I had told Donna of my dream at breakfast so she knew what was happening. Yet my gush of emotion triggered her own and she was also quickly in tears. By the time I had any more consciousness of what was happening around me, Gaert and Alexis were also crying and Kelly, presumably overwhelmed, left the studio. FIona took matters very professionally and lovingly and stood over me cradling me psychically with her soothing voice and words and, as I wept, I was vaguely aware of her making some gestures with her hands over my heart. It's been thirteen years since Linda's death and such rushes of grief are few are far between. It is obvious that being in this place, going through this intense and opening physical and emotional learning experience has pulled away some layers and exposed the thin veil of my subconscious, offering the time and a safe and nurturing place to grieve. I suppose I will always carry this sadness within. I'm so grateful that there is also so much joy and love in my life.